Welcome >> Wedding Questions >> Gay Wedding Questions
"How should we fill out the 2010 Census form?"
The Census Bureau asks how you identify yourself (or think of yourself).
If you consider yourself married, whether your state recognizes your marriage or not,
then check the box "Married".
If you consider yourself to be in a close personal relationship but do not think of yourself as married,
then check the box "Unmarried partner."
The key to answering all of the questions on the Census form is "How do I think of myself?"
As your Connecticut wedding officiant I am happy to serve all loving couples who choose to marry.
In Connecticut both opposite-sex couples and same-sex couples can be joined in marriage.
As you have struggled with terminology, so have I.
Gay Couple and Gay Marriage are probably not the best terms.
Marriage, for me at least, is marriage.
Some people say that I should say "same-gender weddings" instead of "same-sex weddings".
Along with most of Connecticut, I am not sure whether to call all same-sex weddings "gay weddings".
When I talk about marrying people, I don't say straight couple or gay couple or lesbian couple, gay marriage or straight marriage,
I say loving couple and marriage.
No matter what your opinion, please help me to be inclusive!
Some same-sex couples want a strong statement of their views about equal rights as part of their wedding ceremony.
Some other same-sex couples want to be treated exactly like opposite-sex couples, with no difference in their ceremonies except
instead of being called "bride and groom" ("wife and husband")
they want to be called "bride and bride" ("wife and wife")
or "groom and groom" ("husband and husband").
Your wishes on the subject will be respected and followed.
I am a strong supporter of equal rights for everyone.
This Page attempts to address some of the questions commonly asked by same-sex couples that are not usually asked
by opposite-sex couples.
Please keep in mind that the Wedding Questions Page applies to same-sex couples
who want to get married in Connecticut!
"What about Civil Unions in Connecticut?"
Questions about civil unions are still being asked.
From now through the end of September, 2010 it will still be possible to be joined in a civil union in Connecticut.
Existing civil unions that have not been dissolved will be converted to marriages automatically on October 1st, 2010.
Before then, if you would like to marry your civil union partner, you two must apply for a marriage license and have a marriage ceremony.
(This information came directly from Town Clerks at Connecticut Justices of the Peace Conferences.)
Marriage became legal for gay couples in Connecticut on October 1st, 2008.
Before that, a civil union was the only option in Connecticut open to a gay couple.
- Does one of us have to be "the bride" and the other "the groom"?
- Absolutely not!
- It is your decision how you would like me to refer to your role in the ceremony.
- I am comfortable with whatever you decide.
- Remember, it is your day. You are in charge.
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- How do you declare us married?
- However you choose me to.
- If you would like to be declared "Husband and Wife", "Wife and Wife", or "Husband and Husband", I would be happy to do that.
- How about "Partners for life"?
- Would you like "You are now truly and lawfully married.", or "You are now well and truly married." (older, traditional declarations)?
- One couple chose "You are now and forever united."
- The word "Spouse" appears on the Connecticut Marriage License form.
- Some gay couples have me say "Do you, Chris, take Kim to be your lawfully wedded spouse?"
- Together you and I will write your ceremony your way!
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- Do we need wedding rings?
- No. The choice is always yours whether to have wedding rings or not.
- Connecticut law does not require wedding rings.
- Some gay couples prefer simple metal bands while others like to have engravings inside.
- Jewelers can engrave two male symbols or two female symbols inside your wedding bands, for example.
- Claddagh rings, given as tokens of love, are an excellent choice for wedding rings. Ask me about the traditions!
- The most important thing about your rings, if you choose to have them, is the loving bond that they symbolize.
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- Do we have to wear special clothes to get married?
- No, but you may want to!
- Will you be having your pictures taken? If so, you might want to dress up, either a little or a lot.
- (If it will be only the three of us, I will be happy to take your picture together on your wedding day!)
- You don't have to have a stereotypical wedding with a rented tuxedo and purchased gown.
- Some gay couples have dressed as two brides and some gay couples as two grooms.
- Some couples have dressed similarly, with one looking more masculine and the other more feminine.
- Coordinating colors can be fun, and is one way to be similarly dressed without being identically dressed.
- Will you be married on a beach? Do you want to wear shorts, tee shirts, and flip flops? Go ahead!
- Whether you choose to dress elegantly or prefer to be very casually dressed, that's your choice! Remember, it's all about you!
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- Do gay couples eloping in Connecticut need to do anything special?
- No. All couples who elope in Connecticut get their marriage licenses the same way.
- Please see the Wedding Questions Page for information about eloping.
- If you feel that your are being discriminated against, please report it.
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- Are some towns more gay-friendly than others?
- No. All Connecticut towns are required to treat all people the same way: Equally.
- It has been reported that Greenwich requests that all couples return the following day to get their marriage licenses.
- In every case where I have been with a couple when they were applying for a marriage license, all couples were treated equally well.
- Please tell me how you were treated. I can have a quiet word with a Mayor or Town Clerk if you were treated exceptionally well or poorly.
- If you feel that your are being discriminated against, please report it.
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- How do you feel about gay marriage personally?
- I am for equal rights for all human beings, and against discrimination in any form.
- I believe that a homosexual couple should be treated in the same ways as a heterosexual couple.
- I am proud to be a member of PFLAG (PFLAG.Org [Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians And Gays])
and Love Makes a Family (WWW.LMFCT.Org).
- I have taken the Straight for Equality Pledge (below), and take it seriously.
- I will do everything in my power to help to make your ceremony a success!
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- Are there people who cannot be legally married in Connecticut?
- According to Connecticut Statute: "No man may marry his mother, grandmother, daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt, niece, stepmother or stepdaughter,
and no woman may marry her father, grandfather, son, grandson, brother, uncle, nephew, stepfather or stepson".
- For same-sex couples, the same laws that applied to civil unions apply to marriages:
"[No woman may marry her] mother, grandmother, daughter, granddaughter, sister,
brother's daughter, sister's daughter, father's sister or mother's sister.
[No man may marry his] father, grandfather, son, grandson, brother, brother's son,
sister's son, father's brother or mother's brother."
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- Does Connecticut recognize Common Law marriage?
- No. (There may be rare exceptions!)
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The Straight for Equality Pledge:
As a straight ally committed to supporting and advocating for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) people, I will:
Come out.
I will acknowledge and work on any uncertainties I may have in "coming out" as a straight ally, and, as I grow in confidence,
I'll increasingly let my family, friends, and colleagues know that I support equality for GLBT people.
Speak up.
Whenever I have an opportunity, I'll say something supportive of GLBT people, whether I'm responding to a homophobic joke or remark,
commenting positively about a current event, or making the case for equality in a discussion.
Join in.
I will review the many recommended actions provided through Straight for Equality
(WWW.StraightForEquality.Org)
that will help me create change in big and small ways and incorporate those with which I am comfortable
into my growth as a straight ally to help move equality forward.
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