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Vows
Welcome >> Vows
Maybe you've thought "We'd like to write our own vows.", but then thought "Where do we begin?" Or perhaps you're looking for example wedding vows. In either case, this Page is for you. The most important things to remember are that it is your wedding ceremony and you're in charge, and that I'm here to help you! In addition to beginning with the Writing Your Own Vows information on this Page, I will help you in person, by phone, or via email.
Some people have asked "Do we both have to have the same vows?" The answer is always "It's your wedding!" Each of you can have your own set of vows. (It's especially important for humorous vows!)
You have three basic options when it comes to your vows: Speak your vows yourselves, repeat your vows after your celebrant, or say "I do" when your celebrant asks you "Do you ...?" questions. There are sample wedding vows of each style.
(Celebrant:) "Celebrating the uniting of two people in this way proclaims in public what was decided in the private corners of the heart. It proclaims the couple's belief that they are meant to be together, and that they are ready to embrace the future together. Kim and Lee wish to pledge their vows to each other before us today."
(Lee:) "I, Lee, take you, Kim, to be my equal partner in love, life, and law, today, tomorrow, and forever. I promise to treat you with dignity, respect your need to be alone at times, help you when you need help, and turn to your first when I need help."
(Kim:) "I, Kim, take you, Lee, to be my equal partner in love, life, and law, today, tomorrow, and forever. I promise to share your joy and sorrow, to help you heal when the world wounds you, and to help you find beauty in everything."
It is best to have your vows written or printed, even if you plan on memorizing them. You're bound to be nervous and may temporarily forget what you'd planned to say.
(Celebrant:) Ethan, please repeat after me.
"I, Ethan, take you, Jenny, "
(Ethan:) "I, Ethan, take you, Jenny, "
(Celebrant:) " to be my lawfully wedded wife."
(Ethan:) " to be my lawfully wedded wife."
(Celebrant:) "To have and to hold, "
(Ethan:) "To have and to hold, "
(Celebrant:) " from this day forward, "
(Ethan:) " from this day forward, "
(Celebrant:) " until death do us part."
(Ethan:) " until death do us part."
(Celebrant:) Jenny, please repeat after me.
"I, Jenny, take you, Ethan, "
(Jenny:) "I, Jenny, take you, Ethan, "
(Celebrant:) " to be my lawfully wedded husband."
(Jenny:) " to be my lawfully wedded husband."
(Celebrant:) "To have and to hold, "
(Jenny:) "To have and to hold, "
(Celebrant:) " from this day forward, "
(Jenny:) " from this day forward, "
(Celebrant:) " until death do us part."
(Jenny:) " until death do us part."
Saying "I do" is what most people think of when they think about taking vows or swearing an oath. For simplicity it's hard to beat, and even when overcome with emotion it is usually easy to say.
You can respond to each individual question, ...
(Celebrant:) "Do you, John, take Ginger to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
(John:) "I do."
(Celebrant:) "Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish her throughout your lives?"
(John:) "I do."
(Celebrant:) "Do you promise to respect, comfort, and keep her, in sickness and in health?"
(John:) "I do."
(Celebrant:) "Do you promise to share your joys and sorrows, and forsaking all others, to be faithful to her alone?"
(John:) "I do."
(Celebrant:) "Do you, Ginger, take John to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
(Ginger:) "I do."
(Celebrant:) "Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish him throughout your lives?"
(Ginger:) "I do."
(Celebrant:) "Do you promise to respect, comfort, and keep him, in sickness and in health?"
(Ginger:) "I do."
(Celebrant:) "Do you promise to share your joys and sorrows, and forsaking all others, to be faithful to him alone?"
(Ginger:) "I do."
... or you can respond once to all the questions,
(Celebrant:) "Do you, Luke, take Betsy to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Do you swear before God and this company that you will love, honor, cherish, respect, and comfort her, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health?
Do you promise to share your joys and sorrows, help her when she needs help and turn to her first when you need help,
and forsaking all others, to be faithful to her alone?
(Luke:) "I do."
(Celebrant:) "Do you, Betsy, take Luke to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Do you swear before God and this company that you will love, honor, cherish, respect, and comfort him, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health?
Do you promise to share your joys and sorrows, help him when he needs help and turn to him first when you need help,
and forsaking all others, to be faithful to him alone?
(Betsy:) "I do."
Your local library, in addition to the Internet, is a rich resource of sample wedding vows for inspiration to create your own unique vows. You and I can work together to craft what best suits your thoughts and feelings about how to express your love for each other.
"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife | husband | partner], and these things I promise you: I will respect, trust, and care for you. I will be faithful and honest to you. I will share everything in my life with you. I will love you through the best and the worst that is to come."
"[Name], I will give you all my love, without reservation. I will be honest with you in all things. I will support you in all things, and be open with my affection. Together we will build a life filled with joy and happiness. I love you."
"[Name], we have joy-filled times ahead of us. I promise to place our growth together above all else, to love, honor, and support you in all that we do. Together we will build a family full of love, trust, and support."
"I, [name], give myself to you, [name], completely as your loving [wife | husband | soul mate]. I embrace and accept you as my [husband | wife | soul mate], to live in peace with you, to stay by your side in sickness and in health, for all the days of our lives."
"[Name], I give you all my love without reservation. We have a lifetime of decisions and possibilities ahead of us, and you are the only partner I want as we build our future side by side. I am happy we found each other. I love you."
If you word your vows as questions rather than statements, it is best to have all your vows formed as either "Do you ...?" or "Will you ...?" questions, so that all your answers are the same, either "I do." or "I will."
Back to top of PageOne of the nice things about the Internet is that you can find a wealth of information, but sometimes it seems overwhelming. There are times that too much information is worse than not enough! Maybe that's the way you feel about writing your own wedding vows, too....
Let's start slowly. What do you want to express to each other? (Too basic? Read on.) "I love you." is certainly on the list. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." is probably near the top, too. (So far, it's simple!)
Do you want to talk about how you met? ("When I read your Profile on Match dot Com, I was hooked." "When I saw you on the beach at sunset I knew I had to meet you." "Chris had said so many good things about you that I didn't think you could be real. Then we met, and I found it was all true.")
What kept you interested, and helped you decide that you want to be together for the rest of your lives? ("You were so forgiving when I accidentally broke your vase." "Seeing the way your treated my kids, I knew that I wanted you to be their other parent." "I love doing everyday things with you, like working in the garden.")
What do you want to promise? Remember, while the ceremony is important, it doesn't have to be boring! You can put some humor into your vows to make them reflect your history and personalities. ("I promise to stop and ask for directions when I'm driving and we get lost, trust you when you tell me that my tie doesn't go with my shirt, and let you lead when we dance." "I promise not to correct your grammar in public, to smile when your friend calls me 'the keeper', and let you think that you're leading when we dance.")
What dreams do you have for your future? ("We've come from a third-floor walkup apartment to our own condo. You made each place seem like a mansion. Soon we'll have our own farm to raise kids and horses." "You're the one person who always laughs at my jokes. I want to keep you laughing for the rest of our lives." "I want to take care of you when you need someone to lean on, serve you breakfast in bed, and hold your hand while our children are being born.")
Take a piece of paper (we'll see why paper and not a computer in a moment) and write some thoughts about vows on it. When you have a little time, take out the paper and do some editing. Stuck in a traffic jam? Waiting for your food? Have a few minutes before the show starts? Those are times that you could use a break and de-stress by working on your vows.
When you and I meet, I'll have some more suggestions and examples for you!
There are no "wrong" words! Whether you call the person you are marrying your soul mate, your beloved, your partner, or any other word, your intentions are much more important than the words that you use. You want to show respect and love for your soul mate, so of course you will use only positive words.
The best words are the words that express how you feel toward the person that you are marrying. The most profound emotions can be expressed in the simplest words. Think of the three small words "I love you." Eight letters, three syllables, two nouns, one verb. Yet they sum up the most intense of human feeling.
It depends on what you want! Some couples work on their vows together, so that each will know what the other is going to say. Other couples write their vows separately, surprising each other on their wedding day.
If you are going to say the same vows to each other, then working together probably makes the most sense. Your could begin separately, work alone for an agreed-upon time, then work together on the final version of your vows.
If you are going to promise different things to each other, then keeping your vows secret from each other may be the way to go. Part of your decision making process might include "Do I want to be surprised?" For many couples, the answer is "Yes! Being surprised by the person I love the most is part of our romance."
If you decide to keep your vows secret, then you two should probably agree on some guidelines, such as "'I love you' will be the last thing we say.", "We'll each use just one phrase of the lyrics from our song.", and "Our vows will be about six sentences long for each of us."
As with everything else, I'll help you in any way that I can.
Back to top of PageOf the two, the ring vows will probably be the simpler. You may decide to memorize them or be gently, quietly prompted by me. Some examples include
If you are going to give and receive only one ring, you may choose to have the giver speak and the receiver respond:
Including children in your wedding vows helps them feel like they are your children. Vows for blended families do not have to be like traditional vows, they can be much more contemporary. As with any vows, your feelings should be summed up in ways that you find express your emotions. Do you want to promise to take care of your child? Do you want to promise to treat every child equally? Do you want to promise to take special care of your child's other parent? How about asking for your child's help in making your family complete?
A child's wedding vow can be very simple and heart-felt. Perhaps a few words welcoming you into the child's family would be appropriate ("Jason, I'm happy you're joining our family."). If you and the child's other parent feel that it would be a good idea, your child could ask for your help taking care of the child's other parent ("Please help me take care of Mom."). No matter what the child's age, a child can say something that will melt your heart. Usually it is best to keep what the child says brief and simple.
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Version 3.1 6 May 2010 |